I got a call this week from the surgeon who was doing a routine heart procedure on my husband Philip. It was not the call I thought was coming. Ah, pesky expectations. Nothing good ever seems to come from those little buggers. They remind me of mosquitos — super annoying as they buzz around and then they have the audacity to bite me and leave a red bump.
I’ve been scratching at this one all week.
Philip needs a massive heart bypass surgery and soon. When the doctor told me, I had one of those moments where everything comes to a screeching halt and I feel myself hovering outside of my body. Utterly still. Shocked. Feeling the earth shift under my feet and realizing that everything is changing.
As the doctor prattled on about his findings I tried to listen but my head was spinning. I caught about every third word. And when I hung up, I sat down and cried for a few minutes. Fear is funny — I find giving it a voice, allowing it to rush through me and then releasing it easier than pushing it down.
And then I stayed sitting there, blew my nose and expressed thanks for finding out this news because of a test, not a desperate, emergency ride to the hospital. I do see the blessing.
I also know that open heart surgery is not what it once was. It happens every day and with great success. I know first hand the physical healing power of sanctuary. Once he comes home, Philip will be in the very best place he could possibly be to get back to full health quickly.
The doctor mentioned that his heart had already performed its own small bypass, allowing him to get the blood flow he has needed to share these past ten years with me. It’s not enough for optimal health and continued quality of life, but it’s actually a miracle that it happened at all.
His heart found a way.
Of course it did.
My funny, magical, musical man. I have treasured every single one of our days. I never could have imagined someone who could be such a custom fit for my crazy life. At this point, it’s hard to conceive of a time that we weren’t figuring it out together.
Through all of it (and no, it hasn’t always been easy), not only did his heart find a way, we found our way together.
I share this experience so that maybe you will pause for a minute today and hug your spouse or significant other. Laugh with your kids. Pet your dog. Call your mother. Life is beautiful and unpredictable and conspires to help us find a way.
I got a wake up call this week. Maybe reading this post is yours.
With love and gratitude,