Sometimes things seem to pile on top of one another.
The other evening our dog Max walked into the bedroom where my husband and I were talking and peed on the floor, announcing to the world his second urinary tract infection in as many months.
I say we were talking, but we were actually disagreeing about a work issue, and it was becoming more and more emotional. This is really not like us.
Add to that a day full of pandemic-ness, masks, weirdness, and the unsettling perm-anxiety that seems to hang in the air as a backdrop to every moment.
This was not the highlight of my week.
You know, I have been trying so hard to spend extra time in my sanctuary, to make sure I am taking care of my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. I have been trying to keep my attitude positive, keep my energy flowing in the right way.
And in spite of all of our efforts, both Philip and I have been fighting feelings of stress, worry and overwhelm all week.
Cleaning up the mess while Philip hurried Max outside, I realized how much I had been warring against my emotions. I’ve been trying to hold back the tide of low-voltage angst that hangs in the air, and it has taken up more energy than I had to give. It’s exhausting, really. And when my energy runs low it breaks through with unlikely flare-ups of emotion.
There is a quote on my inspiration board that says “The beginning of magic is the acceptance of what is.”
I’m used to applying this quote to external circumstances. But I think the events of the past few days have surfaced in order to remind me to apply that to my internal circumstances as well.
Self care and sanctuary are such important concepts to me. But refusing to recognize and honor the truth of my own emotions—that is neither self care nor sanctuary. That is denial.
Acknowledging and honoring the emotions that surface does not mean getting lost in them. And doing so doesn’t mean that I want to stay in that place.
It is, however, the first step to healing.
And so, since that night we are again resolved to be utterly accepting of the emotions that come. Like the sea, we cannot hold them back. But in recognizing, accepting, and even embracing what these emotions have come to tell us, we are taking the first steps toward the alchemy of transmuting them into healing and growth.
This sounds like sanctuary to me. And this sounds like a way to become buoyant again, even as the seas rise and fall.
With so much love and appreciation,
PS: I found this blog post about dealing with the emotions surrounding the greater issues of pandemic isolation to be really helpful.